Dreamy land_piggy palace

Handing over..

2007-03-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

I realised I blog like once a month.. Like predicted.. Life is always v. packed for me.. v. fulfilling..

Aft my concert, I had been busy working on my projects, assignment and catching up with studies..

On fri, handed over the dance comm to our dear juniors.. so fast.. handling e comm for one yr..
It had been of great pleasure to be in the comm.. n i've realli learnt a lot when handling admin stuff for dance production..
Now, the next decision is whether to be in e next concert.. dancing is my passion.. n i'll nv give it up as long as i can still dance.. no matter wat kind of dance.. which dance grp.. i found it to be so strong when my parents n my dear opposed me to continue in synergy.. I know it's b'cos of e timing.. prac always end late.. n they're worried abt me coming home late..

Next year, 2008, will be synergy's 30th yr anniversary.. i'd definitely wan to be in tis production.. aso i found myself liking choreography.. maybe for next yr mar concert.. i'd try to do so again.. I find that there is no such thing as "quitting dance".. i can also go back n dance..

Of course, objectively speaking.. if i dun join e dance concert.. i'd have so much time to do other stuff.. yes.. there're always a lot of things for me to do.. n then they always tell me to concentrate on some of them to make them good.. hm.. hard decisions tt i dun wan to make..

April will be an exam prep cum exam mth.. I muz work hard!!! show actual proof!!! Sometimes i'm tinking we shldn't study for e sake of exams.. education is a privilege.. we ought to make full use of it.. n appreciate it..

Ganbatei to myself!!

Rough Cuts..

2007-03-04T17:07:00.000-08:00

It's like 2 days aft my dance performance..
It was realli a gd experience.. though at times u felt like giving up to ur own exhaustation..
It always feel good to be on stage.. it's always fun at e backstage..

At certain point, I felt like giving up dancing.. at least for a sem to concentrate on my other stuff...
But again.. i dun feel like leaving e synergy family.. it's realli v heart-warming to see alumni coming back
for our performance.. supporting in one way or another..
In a way, what i feel now is tt we've built synergy in a way.. I'd wan to c e club grow n advance to a
even greater heights, like wat e alumni felt.. It's tis ties that kept me going in synergy..
Also, a part of me still love modern dancing.. tis passion is like a flowing river.. it nv stops..

As anticipated, my 2007 will be a v busy yr.. where my days r packed fully.. time has to be used in a value creative way..
I must breakthru in all my struggles!!!

Jan n feb passed like a breeze.. but it was an eventful 2 months when i had lots of new experiences n challenges..
Mar-May got to be a period of intense studying.. at least, to revise something whenever i've e time.. My CAP has been improving since sem 1.. It'll have to go up tis sem too! Breakthru.. breakthru... BREAKTHRU!!!!

Think globally, act locally!

2007-02-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

The theme for students' division 23rd anniversary realli hits me..
It portrays the expectation n mission of the students' division.. To grow to be "global citizens"..
I really felt it was a good way of celebrating this anniversary with the panel sharing..

It kind of let me reflect upon a lot of things.. getting a new perspectives on things..

Sometimes, it's not easy for us to believe that we possess the potential to create the change that we want..

I still remember Dr Carter saying: "You're the world. Don't talk about the world as if it's outside you. Be the change that you want!"

This is also in line with Daisaku Ikeda's, my mentor in life, vision on human revolution..
"A change in a single individual's life can change the society and eventually the world."
World peace sounds like a far-away concept.. but if we continue to view it as if it's outside us, we can nv achieve it!!

I think i've realised aft e sd ann.. is that.. we need to know what is going around in the world.. we need to look at the bigger picture instead of being occupied in our own world.. hence, studying comes into the picture.. reading gives rise to understanding..

I feel that we often do things without thinking much about the meaning behind doing it..

Like studying..

In singapore, we're so fortunate that education is v much available n in high quality for us.. yet, many a times, we fail to see what is the true purpose of education.. it might nt be e most perfect system we can have i might say.. but being able to received education.. esp tertiary education is a privilege that nt everyone can get..

I've learned frm ikeda sensei.. that education is for the purpose to helping those who cannot afford education.. I'd always ask myself.. "For what purpose, do i study?".. n it realli helps to refresh my determination to realli get the best out of the education i'm receiving..

Eventful year..

2007-02-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

Time realli flies.. esp wen u r packed wif a lot of things to do..

Jan 2007 was realli eventful..

1st 2 weeks, I had a few outings wif my friends.. I'd like to meet up wif them more often..
But time is realli v tight.. =p

Anyway, I took up a lot of projects.. challenges..
1) Choreographing a dance together wif my friend for e mar concert..
2) Do up a video for the students' division anniversary..
3) Spearhead the campus connection for north region ywds together wif my fellow comrades..
4) Role as emcee for voice of spring'07 performance

I foresee feb'07 as another round of exciting events and challenges..
21 feb.. going Family service centre as part of my social work assessment.. we meeting "real clients"!!!
23 feb.. IMH visit..
25 feb.. Emceeing voice of spring performance @ jurong west community library n esplanade concourse..
Chinese new yr!!!
Intensive rehearsals for my dance concert..

Arrhhh.. Super duper busy gal.. Plus muz squeeze time to study n compose songs..

It's rather tiring at times.. but sometimes, i keep asking myself.. why do i need to get so busy?
It's nonetheless to challenge n polish myself.. Youth is the time for growth and development..
I believe that when opportunities are presented to you, you shld take it up..
Cos u nv know when there'll be such opportunities coming again..

Sometimes, i realli hope that life stays at this age.. Though busy, i'm kind of enjoying myself too..
There're so many changes.. time when u've to let go n go outside ur comfort zone..

Okay.. enuff for now.. I shall go get slp.. Dance prac tmr morning..

zzzzzzz.....zzzzzzz...

Piggy princess going off to dreamy land..

Now is e time!!! Fresh start..

2007-01-08T08:52:00.000-08:00

Well.. it's almost 1am on a tue morning.. i'm still nt asleep..
suddenly realised tt i've lots of things to do.. but still undone..

It's feel good to be in sch.. no more slacking n money spending..
tis holiday was realli a super slack one.. n i bought quite a lot of stuff tt can let me survive thru new yr..
3 pairs of shoes, 3 jackets, 2 tops, 1 dress, 1 pants..
dec was also a mth of great movies.. went out for movies almost every wkend n public holz..

Not spending money is one thing.. but i found tt i'm stagnant in quite a lot of stuff..
one thing.. i'm nt catching up wif wat's happening ard e world.. as i haven't been reading e papers for
a long time..

So nw is realli e time for me.. nt onli to reflect.. but for ACTIONS.. Actions speak louder than words..
So end of 'thinking' n 'reflecting' period.. but more ACtion!!!!

Finally tidied up some stuff on e dance Siwei, meilan n i r working on.. tmr gonna teach junior..
it's quite a great feeling to come up wif our own dance.. =)

Gonna recharge myself for another challenging day!!!

Wonderful memories...

2006-12-23T18:27:00.000-08:00

It had been quite a long time since i last posted my blog..

It had been an eventful period of time.. Now everything had sort of come to e end.. at least a rest..
Now is e time to reflect n recharge in all aspects of my life..

23 Dec (yesterday)
It was e first time i joined trinity competition.. organised by lws music sch..
e finals was held last evening.. i didn't even feel it was a competition.. felt it was a performance..

All e finalists' songs r v nice.. wif so many rehearsal n stuff.. i even knows e melody by heart..
so backstage.. i was like humming e songs.. cos mine was e 2nd item..

My item was fine.. juz zuo en, my backup vocalists' mic suddenly low batt.. so in e end e backup vocal cannt be heard..
so 'ke xi'.. we practised so hard.. wif e backup voice, my song sound nicer..

I tink i screwed up e interview part.. wrong questions for me.. =p

Wat really surprised me was e results of e competition.. e lyrist for me song won e best lyrist award!!!
It actualli look simple.. but e judges like its simplicity.. so can understand e lyrics by listening to e song..

e entire process of preparing for e finals was a great learning experience for me.. it made me explore more
on arranging e song accompliment, plus backup voice etc.. learning to work wif diff ppl.. lyrist, vocalist..
great to win some audience for my song too.. a few of them like my song!!! =) i tink tt is e most rewarding thing
for a composer.. got to know a few more friends who r passionate abt music too.. e comments frm e judges made
me feel as if i have had a lesson learnt.. i'm already quite glad wen e judges mention abt my song during e comments..
cos i feel tt a good song will leave impression on e listener..

Wif all these inconspicuous gains, even if we did nt receive any rewards, we r a winner in our v own way!! e effort of
improving.. taking a step forward is wat makes us wat we r nw..

Looking forward, there's still a lot of aspects of music tt i can seek to improve.. like in arranging a music, style of music..
(gonna try more stuff other than sentimental ones), do more exploration in music, like catching chords of songs..

Yesterday, dad n i was discussing.. whether i wan to take up other course like music arrangement or singing.. hehe..
dad had agreed to let me go learn singing.. haha.. but i still find lws course v ex..

Jiayou to myself!!! =)

Wonderful memories II..

2006-12-19T20:04:00.000-08:00

Since e events during tis period was so memorable.. i decided to do a little reflection on them.. =)

19 dec
Went for lester's chalet at downtown east yesterday..
planned to have bbq.. but u know.. it's rainy season..
so in e end, we decided to microwave e food.. haha.. interesting outing rite?

guess it's b'cos of e rain, quite a no. of ppl who say they'll be there r nt..
so left wif 11 of us.. i like small grp though.. more bonding..

I feel tt student division is realli a big grp of family.. it's realli where we can forge sense
of comradeship.. n share our struggles..

18 dec
Though i just came back frm camp e previous day, i still can't resist going out..
haha... went shopping wif my maybank friends.. bought a new pair of covered wedges..
v nice.. n cheap.. got free mbr-card somemore.. hahah..

aft tt went to watch 'happy feet' wif dear.. it's quite a nice show..
though it's juz an animation movie.. but i tink there're some msgs it wan to convey..
some issues to tink abt.. like hw human r actualli disrupting their lives.. e working of diff societies etc..
haha.. since wen i become a movie analyser.. haha.. but tt's juz wat i tot of aft e show..

Some thoughts struck me, esp aft e show, tt we shld do our part to help e env.. though i've an ambition to
do up a music sch.. i also wanted v much to be in e helping profession or in e educating sector..
juz anything tt will directly or indirectly benefit others in their lives.. tt's one of e reason i chose psychology as my major..
But for now.. there's still a long way to go.. i tinking of picking up volunteer work along e way in my uni life..

16-17 dec
I left dance camp for e ssa student division kenshu (camp)..
the 1st thing was a study exam.. din realli had much time to study.. n tried v hard to overcome my slpiness..

Throughout e short camp, we had mostly faith-training sessions wif our seniors.. they shared some pointers, as well as their own experience.. we wrote down our resolution for 2007 n some of my fellow friends shared their resolutions..

was realli encouraged by e whole camp n aso e resolutions set by some of my friends.. setting specific goals n working towards will gives us a sense of direction n determination to take a little, yet significant step forward..

It was a refreshing n recharging camp for me.. aft e dance camp n e exams..

Life is a constant struggle.. but we r nt controlled by our fate.. we can create good causes for e future..
we r in control!! What makes a victorious life is nt wealth, status, position.. it's e spirit to keep on trying regardless of
hw many times we've failed, to overcome every difficulty wif high life condition, to have e compassion to help others be happy too.. Buddhism taught me to be strong.. to become a better person than i was e day b4.. human revolution is wat we call.. a change of inner self in all aspects..

"Never compare yourself to others, but yourself e day before."

Getting started..

2006-11-19T18:02:00.000-08:00

It had been a long wk.. last wk was a super packed week..
i've a test, a MIDI proj, 2 scripts on top of my exam revision..

BUT...

i've v happy to say.. i've won!

i finished all e tasks within e deadline!! n it's nt bad of quality.. haha..
so sometimes realli gonna believe our capacity for doing things..
juz dun worri too much.. n chiong arh!!!

BUT a v unfortunate thing happen yesterday..
which is.. i lost my phone!!! which means.. i lost all my contacts!!!
luckily got friendster.. but it'll take some time for me to get back my contacts..

1 wk b4 exams... gonna chiong arh~~~~ !!!!!!!!!

Jiayou to myself!!!

Cheers

Fallen sick...

2006-11-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

Down wif sore throat n fever.. engine overworked i guess.. even machine needs rest.. so does human..

Darling is so sweet.. came to visit me straight aft booking out for tmr's chinese exam..
reminded me of e times dear spent wif me at e hospital e other time wen i got food poisoning..
always there for me when i need him.. so sweet.. =)

I still haven't finish my preparation for e project meeting tmr.. felt like skipping lesson..
hai.. tis sem like keep on skipping lect..

But seriously, if we go lect.. it's impt to keep attentive.. to make full use of e time there..
i realised most of my mod can be studied frm e text.. laziness creeping in.. =p
of course, i'm nt going to let it hit me!!!

I guess tis is e right time to fall sick.. haha.. fall sick aso need good time.. cos i still have 2 or 3 more weeks to recover at least..
before exam starts.. at least i didn't fall ill during my exams..

Aft watching 'death note'.. i simply got so attracted to e story line..
i'm a person who don't really have interest in reading comics..
now i'm glued to them.. but of course, i make sure it hinder my studies..

haha.. so me rite? nv allowing myself to turn away frm wat i need to do..

Seriously, we r sometimes so pre-occupied wif our lives tt we then to overlook wat things n take them for granted..

Being able to study in such a peaceful env is a good fortune.. it's a privilege..
cos wif education.. life improves..
of course, it doesn't guarantee happiness nor wealth.. but it opens e way to better lives for ourselves n future generations..

Think of everything tt u've.. handphone, radio, fridge.. e list goes on.. they r available to us aft many many generations of invention, improvements etc.. yes.. we bought them wif money.. but my point is.. without all e things.. u'll nt be where u r.. enjoying a comfort life..

Even people ard u.. they r ur benefactors.. ur parents for bringing u up..
Ur sibling who shared memories wif u..
ur friends who helped and treasured u..
even ur 'enemies' who provoked u.. but makes u a better person in one way or another..

It might be unimaginable to 'thank' ur enemies.. but if we change our attitudes, making their sarcarsm n criticism as our source of growth.. we'll become a greatly admirable person.. cos we bring e best out of every situation..
tt's wat my buddhist prac as taught me to become.. nt tt i've a perfect character.. but i resolve to me someone who change in a positive direction at every situation, be it bad or good..

also in social psychology.. i've learnt wen ppl have bad impression abt someone.. it's even more likely tt e person will interact less wif him or her.. hence, e impression doesn't change.. so u'll continue to think e person as "mean, selfish.. etc."
trust me.. once u know someone better, u'll find tt they r nt as bad aft all.. no one is perfect anyway..

e coming exam will really be a challenge for me..
to be able to study smart.. n perform my best for it..
i hope it'll be a break-thru for me tis sem..

Fighting e virus.. n my weaknesses..

Ganbatei to myself!!!

It's weekend again!!

2006-10-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

I've just posted a blog abt hw wonderful e previous wkend was.. before i realised it.. wkend is coming again!

tmr would be a long and fulfilling day..

11am meet kezia at lws
1230pm dance comm meeting
3pm SD meeting
8pm 4 division discussion meeting

A day of meeting..

It's last dance prac today.. realli v tired frm all e jumpings..

Finally finished my sci of music concert review.. realli dunno wat to write.. so juz dump in most of what i've researched on..

Exams are comin.. haven't realli gotten my engine started..
haha.. trying hard to read my text or notes whenever i've e time..

somehow it seemed better than previous sem.. cos e materials r mostly comprehensible..
n also my psych mods mostly inter-linked.. so i've no reason to perform poorly for tis exam..

I gonna pull up my CAP!! tis is realli e lowest it can get.. every sem muz improve!
chiong arh!!!!

A wonderful weekend..

2006-10-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

Good things always go by at lightning speed.. tt's why i've learnt to treasure every moment of life.. be it juz a little simple act.. but deep down.. it's a lot a lot more.. learning to cherish makes one happier.. n makes one loves others more..

these 2 wks r really v happening.. tt's why i didn't even have time or energy to blog..

last wk-end was youth camp..

this wk is 4 days with darling.. so happy!!!

Day 1:

Went cycling at east coast park.. was lost on our way there.. but kind to tink of it.. quite romantic.. hehe.. prob nt to most ppl.. but it is to me.. anyway.. we had a long walk for abt 1/2 hr before reaching e park.. feel fats burning.. haha..

it was kind of long since i went cycling.. nt a bad ex. too.. =)

aft tt, went k-box wif dear's army friends.. there're only 2 girls in e grp.. =p
den went nydc for dinner..
e thing is.. most of wat they r toking sounds foreign to me.. so i was mostly listening.. or talking to dear..
keeping myself entertained wif my own thoughts.. haha.. but anyway, as long as i'm wif dear.. i dun really mind tt.. though i'd prefer to be wif him as a couple..

Day 2:

Meeting --> GKI exhibition --> Home (finally studying!!) --> yongkang's hse

Yongkang juz bought 2 doggies.. so cute.. though i dare nt touch or hug it..
dear is a dog lover.. haha.. most likely we'll get a doggy next time.. haha.. =)

Day 3:

A day in sch.. aft lesson, dear came nus to study wif me.. another day of studying.. =)
guess wat.. i met xiaoling n jun yue at perk point! was quite happy to see them as i haven't seen them for some time..
guess junyue longing to come nus liao.. haha..

Day 4:

Meeting --> darling's hse --> demo recording..

hehe.. so happy.. finally got my 3rd demo done up..
my song writing haven't been v spontaneous.. haven't come up wif any new songs these few mths..
then i still have quite a few songs which demo haven't been done up..
hehe.. nw tt i found another way of recording.. hopefully, it'll aid my progress.. but study first!

Shall sleep liao.. getting late.. hai.. sleeping later n later.. naughty princess.. =p

Recharged.. a new resolution to go ahead..

2006-10-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

Guess wat? i'm at mac.. having e sausage mcmuffin wif egg meal..
haha.. but as usual.. i'm alone.. so it's blogging time again.. =)
sometime, it's really alright to be alone.. we need some time for ourselves to think abt ourselves n things ard us..

Finally, it's e day of youth camp! tonight i'd be heading to e wonderful youth camp..
i really felt as if e camp as began since yesterday..

i was really happy tt i've overcomed my fundamental darkness (laziness tt will cause me to skip e mtg) n went for e ldrs study mtg.. cos i'm really recharged aft hearing mr chan's lect..

Yesterday lect topic was related to having a sense of gratitude.. aso in line wif tis mth creative life..

then, i was reading e CL tis morning on e train on e way to sch.. was really touched by e content of e CL.. esp a testimonial of a young girl.. her spirit is really admirable.. if there's no-one ard me.. i would have cried.. i was touched to tears really..

then, it came to me tt i haven't been pushing myself to e limits for kosen-rufu.. it's a lifelong thing i know..
but really.. if kosen-rufu becomes part of u.. u won't find it a hassle to do it.. but find even more joy than doing other things..

it's as if a new flame of hope n determination is relightened in my life..
i'm resolved to devote myself to bringing others to happiness.. by introducing them to nichiren daishonin's buddhism..

i found tis guidance by sensei most encouraging..
"once we understand tt everything tt happens to us is to enable us to attain buddhahood in tis lifetime, all of our problems will be resolved. on e other hand, e more we tend to complain n put e blame on others, e longer we're delaying e transformation of our karma."

gonna start my project search.. =)

great day ahead! missing darling every moment..

Unhappiness between..

2006-10-11T07:20:00.000-07:00

Well, it had been a 'happening' day today..

Last nite, while dear was talking to me, he was caught by his officer..
hw unluckily!! it's my fault tt dear is punished.. wif his hp confisticated till e end of e wk..

den nw he feeling down..

i hope dear is someone who dun tink so much.. is nt so sensitive.. is more self-centered..
like other guys might be..
so dear might be happier..

i know he did tis all for me.. n i feel bad tt everytime i let him worry.. let him upset..

sometimes i'd tink tt it's b'cos he tinks too much.. wat's wrong wif nt phoning each other for a wk?
tink we've nv done tis b4..

sometimes, i really feel tired abt tis relationship..

why do we've to phone each other every moment?
why is dear angry everytime i come in contact wif a guy friend?
why muz we go out every wkend?
why muz i sacrifice for him?
why muz i miss my activities to go out wif him?

why, why n more whys?

i juz hate wen dear is angry.. i wan to do sth b'cos i want to for him.. nt b'cos to prevent him frm being angry..
u see e diff?

maybe we both really have diff attitudes n views towards various issues.. but as i said before, who is perfectly compatible?
wat is impt in a relationship is trust, love, commitment..

i aso believe in sensei's guidance abt love.. tt a healthy relationship is one tt leads both in a positive direction..
that we'll help each other achieve our goals.. as well as dreams.. bt aso loving n caring for each other..

yes, we're v loving n caring to each other most of e time.. but esp during quarrels.. i feel esp vexed abt our differences..

hai..

dear, i'm trying to complain abt u here.. but i juz wanna put down my thoughts.. so tt i'd feel better.. n i hope u'd b able to read it before or aft meeting me on sun.. u said i nv mention to u hw i feel.. so i juz put down a few of my thoughts..
i know u might be tearing a bit while reading.. bt i really dun wan to hide anything frm u.. honesty is wat u treasured most..

like today.. i went kbox wif 2 guy friends n 1 girl friend.. u r a bit upset abt tis..
seriously, i dun find e prob wif tt.. ok, u might say.. next time we might go out together..
ok.. dun wat if i fall in love wif them.. or they fall in love wif me.. den i'd leave u.. n so on..
honestly, if ur gf is such a person.. u may as well nt have her.. she won't be long n serious wif u anyway..
but i'd say.. i'm nt tt type of flirt.. n i'm nt tt weak in terms of relationship to reject a date frm a guy!! nt giving them any chance to do anything funny wif me..

i really love u.. n i'd wan to have a future wif u.. it's a dream tt i've since i met u.. tt we'll be waking up together to do breakfast.. to do sth of interest together.. to rear a child together.. n would go out for family outing..
it's such a beautiful thought tt i'd wan very very very much to come true.. tt's why i named my blog wif piggy palace n dreamy land..

omg.. dear..

i started missing u already.. really missed ur voice n laughter..

hugz..

i was back since 8 plus.. but i'm too lazy to start any studying.. i know tis is bad darling..
bt i'm really nt in e mood of doing so aft e quarrel wif u..

dear.. i really love u..

i really need to have a good talk wif u.. e most impt thing is tt darling is happy..
i can do anything to make darling happy.. (maybe u might tink i'm nt genuine in tis.. cos i can't give up as many things as u.. bt i'm really saying frm my heart.. )

dear feeling stressed up since army begins..
i'm feeling stressed too..

i really c e friends ard me complaining abt life being tiring.. tt they r tired of studying n stuff like tt..
tt's why i tot soka youth r really diff..
we're unformidable to any obstacles in our lives.. n we nt only challenge them courageously.. we do them wif great joy..
it's really hard to do so in reality.. but i guess.. it takes a lot of effort n wisdom to do so.. n prob tt's wat we may term as buddhahood in everyday form.. really darling.. i really tink we shld stand up to our challenges n rise above them..
n lead others in e same path.. u look closer ard u..
ur friends might seem in good life.. enjoying their times wen we at meetings.. but it onli bring them temporary happiness..
aft tt, they r overwhelmed by their problems again.. so it's kind of a cycle.. so if u ask them if they r happy..
i guess as long as they live.. they would most likely nt say so..

i'm tinking.. prob all these while.. it's e fundamental darkness in us attacking us.. b'cos nw is precisely e best time we can show actual proof in our lives.. cos we facing so many stressors.. though it's nt easy to overcome.. but i'm sure wif our effort to study n prac.. we'd definitely find e way to absolute happiness..

prob both of us r nt in tt kind of life state yet.. tt's why we dwelled upon e attitude diff. between us..
if we've e same goal in mind.. prob it'd b e best solution to any of our problems..

Dear.. u r my spirtual support.. e closest person to my heart.. e most impt person i've in my life.. e most treasured of all treasures.. i dun wan to lose u.. but i dun wan u to be unhappy too.. i wan to be wif u forever n ever.. u r my everything..

Loving u never stops.. missing u never cease.. caring for u is endless.. being wif u is a gift.. hugz..

Lunch alone..

2006-10-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

Guess what am i doing now? yeah.. like e title.. i'm having lunch alone..
well, i used to feel awkward if i were to eat alone in e canteen..

indeed, i still feel awkward doing that.. so i 'ta pou' n eat at a bench.. den blog while eating..

sometimes, we really dun need to think about what others think about us.. juz do wat u like..
haha.. easier said than done.. yeah.. u know.. social influence r greater n more overwhelming than u'll admit..
but it's a perfect timing to blog nw.. =)

Wkend had been a breeze.. but every wkend is great! cos i'll be wif darling.. =)
darling's safra card gave us a bit of discount for movie tickets.. an incentives for us to go catch a movie every wkend.. =p

Looking forward to going for the youth camp.. i know it's nt going to be a luxurious wkend.. but i'd wan to make it a wonderful, memorable one.. hopefully, it'll be a turning point of my life.. i'll make it a turning event of my life anyway!

The preparation meeting yesterday was filled wif so much energy n passion.. it makes us all looking forward to the camp..
N i've learned abt something..

Life is a constant struggle.. there won't b a time when we r nt facing any trouble at all..
so wat's impt is our spirit.. tt we'll overcome our own weaknesses.. as well as difficulties wif high life condition..

N not to forget e fact tt happiness is nt something to be obtained outside our lives.. but instead.. surmount frm within our lives.. cos everyone of us is a Buddha.. =)

Before the meeting, i was complaining to dear that i felt over-loaded wif all e commitments n responsibilities..
nw i'm re-enlightened.. tt i need to challenge my situation.. it might nt b easy.. but i'll change myself day by day..

One of my favourite guidance frm ikeda sensei is: "u'll nv find happiness if u dun challenge urself frm within."

Enuff of blogging for nw.. going library to study b4 my lect starts..

I like to dream..

2006-09-28T22:40:00.000-07:00

I love to dream!

dream of my ideal lifestyle.. career.. future..

there's a saying, "u'll nv go higher than wat u dream"..
indeed, i truly believe in tt.. so dream big! so even if u fall u'll land among e stars, when u aimed e moon..

dream no. 1:
being a performer.. i simply love being on stage.. singing, dancing or playing e piano.. i'd enjoy it equally.. i'd love e life, when i'd b gg from classes to rehearsal to publicity shows.. so on..
music is my passion.. n if u can have a job tt is something of ur passion, u won't feel like u're working!

dream no. 2:
setting up a costumes/ fashion shop..
fashion is my interest no. 2.. juz tt i didn't really go explore much of it yet..
i'd design n make my own "brand" n clothes.. even dance costumes or party costumes..
i can help u design ur entire outfit.. n charge u as a whole package.. e good thing is tt i can do stuff like designing or making jewelleries when i'm free in e shop.. (time fully made good used of)
den when business gets better, i'd get more shops n even go abroad to push my business.. hehe.. great dream too right?

dream no. 3:
music cafe cum music sch.. haha.. i know tis is an existing concept.. like ark music cafe cum sch does.. but i tot of making it more special.. =p
make it a place where musicians n artists like to gather.. n even non-musicians start liking music aft coming.. a music land..

dream no. 4:
being a motivational speaker.. hehe.. dear said i'd be more of an entertainer than motivator..
but who cares.. as long as i make e seminar interesting n meaningful n impactful.. i get my satisfaction.. i'd go anyway.. schs, community centre, office, fsc.. as long as i'm wanted..

dream no. 5:
being a psychologist.. specializing in prob child, education or social psychology..
i wanna help improve another person's life.. changing them one by one..

I love to dream.. n i believe tt it's a beautiful thing to do.. a hopeful, destressing thing to do also..

n i dun like to think e way most ppl in society think.. or at least i tink they do..
i know we need to be practical n for practical reasons, we need to.. yada yada..

i dun believe in so.. true enuff.. we need money for survival.. it's a basic requirement..
but i won't want to take tt as e most impt factor.. i won't want to work in a job where i'm v unhappy, though highly paid.. i'd rather take a humble job n b happy.. u live to work n work to live.. tt's truly sad life..

but if u add something more.. like a sense of purpose of doing something.. everything changes!!

first thing first.. u'll b happy.. when u're happy.. u can bring happiness to ppl ard u too! spread ur joy..

okay.. enuff of dreaming for nw.. gonna go study!!

A bright new day!!

2006-09-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well, i can't probably be in the mood to study if i dun pull my spirits up..
dear is still unhappy n wan me to cut down activities.. but seriously, wat can i cut down? sleep perhaps.. i really need a long talk wif him.. but he's in camp.. hw to? msg him.. his hp also has prob.. always can't rcv my sms..

but putting that aside, i need to use e time today wisely.. i'm really v lag in my studies.. sometimes i feel that i'm nt full-time student.. but part-time student.. part-time dancer.. part-time.. e list goes on.. juz nt so much time to study anymore, as in jc n sec.. i'm still trying to find a balance.. dear told me.. u can't balance everything.. perhaps he's rite..

well, e real difference b/w dear n i is tt i can put aside my feelings n do my work if necessary.. but dear can't..
i've lots of interest n wanted to pursue them.. dear didn't, or at least, he didn't voice it out..
dear can sacrifice everything for me.. i can't..
so dear always asking if we really compatible..

if u r such a perfectionalist.. u'd say.. we're nt..

but who in e world is perfectly compatible for u?

if u r looking for someone like tis.. u'd prob stay single for e rest of ur life..

nothing is perfect.. we all admit tt.. so why can't we b diff, bt yet still b a loving couple?

i hope dear understand tis..

getting my engine started for e day..

Feeling down..

2006-09-26T09:54:00.000-07:00

A sudden urge to come create my own blog.. i guess it's e stress i've been facing lately..
e quarrel wif my dear juz nw juz made me feel down..

normally, wen i quarrel wif him.. over anything.. we'll settle it overnight, over e phone..
talk till we come to a compromise..

but today is really bad.. i can't talk it out wif him rite nw!! he's confined in army..
i guess he's facing a lot of stress.. so many restrictions.. n then, his gf is one whom he can't control..

why is everybody so unhappy abt me being in dance! Well, nt exactly EVERYone.. but my parents n dear..
trust me.. it's a dilemma for me.. my love for dance vs. being thoughtful to them.. it's selfish to onli think of myself
n do whatever i like.. ok.. if my activities dun affect them, it's ok.. but my late return frm dance prac is causing my dad to lose some sleep.. n make my dear unhappy.. but if r nt a lover of dance, u'd nt understand e feeling of dancing n performing on stage.. plus e bond wif ur fellow dancers..

hm.. maybe i'm really to occupied wif my activities tt i really have no more time n energy to think of wat others has to say..
sometimes, i juz wished tt i've all e freedom in e world to do wat i wan to.. dun have to tink of wat others has to say..
but again.. priority!!

dear told me to prioritize my stuff.. he didn't ask me to put him as e first.. but i did anyway.. but then, i didn't really cancel all my activities.. i juz try nt to increase any commitments.. perhaps tis is still nt enuff rite? hw much is enufff? cancel all?
i really dunno.. i really can't put my things in e best way dear wants.. i'm really in dilemma.. i've a lot of interest.. n urge to learn new things..

but time dun allow me to.. dear dun wan to me commit myself too much.. dear, i'm nt blaming u at all.. i know it's for my own good.. i already have too much to handle.. ya.. look at my studies.. a mess!!

hai.. depressed..

a lot of things in mind.. but nt enuff time to blog..

TIME!!! why r u so short? does it makes u more precious?? i guess it did..
dear always complain i've no time for him.. i'm really cutting as many activites down as i can to accompany him.. does dear know? it's nt tt time spent wif dear is nt enjoyable.. indeed, time is e sweetest wif him.. but wat i juz wan is tt he can support at least a few of my activites.. or at least, dun oppose.. i juz seek his understanding.. i dun even have much time wif my family mbrs or myself..

1:40AM, wed..

dear.. i really miss u..